The problem with "hey" The dating app openers that actually get a reply do three things: they reference something specific from the person's profile, they add a little of you, such as a reaction or a quick story, and they end with an easy question the other person can answer in one relaxed sentence. Specific reference, a bit of yourself, an easy question. That recipe beats "hey" every time, because a one-word opener hands all the work to the other person and gives them nothing to grab onto. You connect with someone interesting, you open the chat, and you type "hey." Or maybe "hi there" if you are feeling expansive. Then you wait. And often, nothing comes back. It is not that "hey" is rude. It is that it does not work. A one-word opener hands the entire job of starting a conversation to the other person, and it gives them nothing to grab onto. They have to invent a topic, a reason, and a reply all on their own, usually while they are looking at a dozen other chats that all say the same thing. "Hey" is easy to send and easy to ignore. The good news is that a better opener is not about being clever or having the perfect line. It is about doing a small amount of the work yourself so the other person has an easy, obvious way to respond. The one principle that makes openers work Almost every message that gets a real reply does three things: It references something specific about them. A photo, a prompt answer, a line in their bio, a shared interest. This proves you actually read their profile instead of swiping on autopilot. It adds a little of you. A reaction, a tiny opinion, a quick story. This gives them a sense of who they are talking to and makes the exchange feel mutual. It ends with an easy question. Something they can answer in one relaxed sentence, not a quiz they have to study for. Specific reference, a bit of yourself, an easy question. That is the whole recipe. Everything below is just examples of it. What are some openers that actually get a reply? Here are some openers built on that principle. Notice that none of them are fancy. They just show you paid attention and they make replying simple. "Okay, your photo at the noodle place has me curious. Was that a real find or a tourist trap? I have been on a months-long hunt for a good ramen spot and I trust people who take pictures of their food." "You listed hiking and never-finishing-a-book in the same profile, and honestly same. What is the book you are currently not finishing? I have three going right now." "Your prompt answer about wanting a co-pilot for terrible reality TV made me laugh. I am a committed fan of the messy dating shows. What are we watching first?" "Fellow dog person here, though mine is far less photogenic than yours. What is the name and, more importantly, what is the personality?" "You said you just moved here from the coast. As a local, I feel a responsibility to ask: have you found a coffee place you actually like yet, or are you still wandering?" Each one points at something real, shares a small piece of the sender, and leaves a door open that is genuinely easy to walk through. None of them require the other person to perform. Patterns worth avoiding Just as useful as knowing what works is knowing what tends to fall flat. A few common ones: Looks-only compliments. "You're gorgeous" feels nice for a second, but it is about your reaction, not them, and there is nowhere for the conversation to go. If a photo caught your eye, tie it to something: where it was taken, what they were doing, the dog in the corner. Copy-paste lines. The pickup line you send to everyone reads exactly like the pickup line you send to everyone. People can feel a script. The opening essay. Five paragraphs before they have said a word is a lot of pressure. Keep the first message short and let it breathe. Instant intensity. "I think you might be the one" or heavy future-talk from a stranger tends to read as alarming rather than romantic. Warmth, yes. Intensity, not yet. Negging. A backhanded compliment to knock someone slightly off balance is not charming, it is just unkind, and most people see straight through it. Sexual openers from a stranger. Before any rapport exists, this lands as disrespectful far more often than not. It is the fastest way to get disconnected. How do you keep the conversation going after "hello"? A great opener only earns you the second message. Keeping a conversation alive is its own small skill, and it is mostly about generosity. Ask open questions. "What got you into climbing?" invites a story. "Do you like climbing?" invites a yes. Aim for the version that gives them room to talk. Share back, do not interrogate. If every message you send is a question, it starts to feel like a job interview. Offer your own answer too, so the conversation has two people in it. Match their energy and length. If they send a couple of warm sentences, a couple of warm sentences back is about right. Replying to a paragraph with one word, or to one word with a paragraph, creates a mismatch you can feel. Notice the rhythm. Quick, easy back-and-forth is a good sign. Long silences after every message are worth reading honestly rather than chasing. And here is the part people forget: the goal is not to win at texting. Some of the best conversations on an app stall out because both people enjoyed the chat so much they never moved it anywhere. Once there is a little rapport, it is completely fine to suggest a low-key plan or a quick call. Something like "I am enjoying this. Want to grab a coffee sometime this week and keep going in person?" works because it is light and easy to say yes or no to. Momentum is a real thing, and gently moving things forward is also one of the better ways to keep a promising thread from quietly fading. (We wrote more about that in keeping momentum and not letting good conversations fade.) Better profiles make better openers Here is something that does not get said enough: how easy it is to write a good opener depends a lot on what you are given to work with. If all you can see is one carefully chosen photo, "hey" starts to look like a reasonable option, because there is genuinely not much else to react to. This is where the design of the app matters. When a profile surfaces what someone actually cares about, their values, their prompt answers, the way they describe a perfect Sunday, you suddenly have real raw material. You are not reaching for a line. You are responding to a person. On a values-based app like HoopFrog, profiles are built to give you more of that to work with than a single face, which tends to make the whole opening-message problem a lot smaller. It cuts both ways, of course. The richer your own profile is, the more openings you hand the people you connect with. It is worth writing a profile that gives people something to respond to, and worth remembering that real connection is usually about compatibility beyond a photo in the first place. HoopFrog leans in that direction on purpose, with optional identity verification as one added safeguard for people who want a little more reassurance about who they are talking to. The short version Skip "hey." Find one specific thing in their profile, add a small piece of yourself, and ask something easy to answer. Keep it short, stay warm, share as much as you ask, and once there is a spark, be the person who gently suggests the next step. None of this requires being the wittiest person in their inbox. It just requires paying attention and being kind, which, conveniently, are also pretty good signs of the kind of person worth replying to.